Portia Scabar
I love me...I love me not..., 2021
15” x 15” x 10”
glass, dirt
My artwork reflects the learning process that I have gone through to better understand and accept myself and the traumas that I have experienced. Glass sculpting takes a lot of time, each piece of glass is gathered in the furnace and then added bit by bit onto the main pipe and slowly comes into its final form. It is also a process that requires two people to complete; if attempted alone it is very difficult to keep everything hot and on center. This is reminiscent of the path of healing that I have been navigating for the last three years, I could not have gotten through this journey alone. This piece is a collection of sculpted glass daisies, a symbol of family, both given and chosen; it also includes a blown vessel that acts as a vase to hold the flowers. The vase is filled with dirt to represent growth and change, even though the glass flowers will never grow. While making this piece I spent a lot of time thinking about my journey and how I wanted to represent it as well as how I thought about myself as an individual healing from many traumas. I resonated with the game of picking flowers and plucking petals off while repeating, she loves me, she loves me not; in shifting the game I was able to turn it inwards as a sort of introspection on myself and my healing. At times I loved myself for going down this path, and choosing to get better, and other times I found I didn’t love myself for wanting to grow because it came accompanied by pain and frustration. My final piece is meant to be a reflection on ones internal self and an attempt to recognize my own personal growth and change throughout my journey.