Natalie Melara
SURRENDER, 2021
duration: 4:28
The painting featured is a work I started in 2017 and have continually reworked until the making of this video; where I finally surrender to it. The work was meant to be a self-portrait, however, the tensions of growing up multiculturally became apparent as I struggled to finish it. Who am I? Where do I belong? And how does that look? I made an attempt to represent myself as royalty but felt a sense of falseness when using the established iconography of either culture since I have always lacked full ownership of either.
The act of applying gesso square by square on the canvas represents the acceptance that the formation of my identity happened in a space of cultural imbalance. My identity is in a liminal state between Canadian and Salvadorian. A “blank canvas” that is supported and influenced by the varied—and often opposing—sets of values, beliefs, languages and social practices.