Chloe MacDonald
It’s Gonna Be Okay. 2021
Anxiety speaks the language of conspiracy. My anxiety does at least. Anxiety says, “what if this happens?” And “why did you do that?” And “why didn’t you do that?” “Everyone is watching for when you mess up.” But also, “nobody cares.” And on, and on. It connects unrelated things and catastrophizes that everything ever is going to go wrong and there is nothing you can do about it. Anxiety feels like an overwhelming web of contradictions and unhelpful thinking that the anxious person believes to be their reality, and so those thoughts and feelings are incredibly hard to detach from. These cork boards show evidence against my anxiety, and the process of healing and challenging unhelpful thoughts. For some of my trauma I look back on and I am ok now from that experience. The memories and pain feel distant. I am at acceptance with what happened. I am resilient. Experiencing joy, love, and goodness is evidence too. I remember when I wasn’t okay, it wasn’t okay, and I felt I would forever be lost and hopeless, drowning in confusion and pain. Hell, I remember that feeling from today. With present trauma I try to remind myself of this wisdom I have learnt: It’s not okay now but it’s gonna be. It’s gonna be okay.