Feel for the Edges, Pull at the Seams

Fiona Duffy

Dissociation, depersonalization, detachment- clinical terms for the the disrupted relationship between the self and body as a result of trauma. Chronic emotional turmoil is manifested physiologically through fatigue, pain, and illness- exacerbating the disconnect between body and psyche. Disrupted affects in combination with mental illness can devastate one’s sense of self, leading to difficulties returning to a state of normalcy and an inability to cope with painful emotions. Clinical terms offer a degree of comfort: at least, there are words to articulate the  emotional extremes that dictate lived experience. In these self-portraits, the abrupt separation of the self is realized in the same body pulled apart: the multiplicity of images reflect the break from physical reality experienced in moments of extreme distress, while shadows and reflective material further distort the perception of reality. Layers of diluted oil paint accumulate to build slippery terrains of the body that flicker in and out of representation, while negative space and translucency reveal otherwise invisible vulnerability. Reflecting on my own tendency to suffer in silence, this piece is a testament to the unseen labour of holding oneself together as one falls apart.